The Best Kind of Christmas Gift
by AlienTourist
Summary: Sam has forgotten it's Christmas - he likes to think he has a good reason. Trans Sam. Mpreg.


Sam is lost in a haze of pain and drugs. He can hear someone somewhere yelling at him to push, but it all seems so far away. He muses on how little the pain meds really help. He should have asked for an epidural. But no, he had wanted the whole thing to be as natural as possible. He'd wanted to feel closer to his baby. Why had he thought that?

Steve's big face suddenly appears in Sam's vision. He sounds so urgent when he says, "Sam, honey, I really need you to push now, okay? Can you do that?"

Captain America's asking him to do this, Sam thinks. His husband is asking him to do this. Sam pushes.

The next thing he knows, he can't see Steve anymore, and everybody is yelling. He wonders vaguely if something is wrong, and the thought starts to drift from his head. Then he realizes that something really is wrong. The baby's outside his body now. Where is it? Where is his baby?

Sam struggles to sit up. He gasps and collapses back onto the bed. Steve reappears, but for once Steve is not the person whom Sam wants to see. Steve looks utterly terrified. Sam has never seen him look so scared, not even when they were after Bucky.

"Where's the baby?" Sam slurs. "Steve!"

Steve grabs hold of his hand again. He sounds even more urgent now as he says, "The baby's alive, but he wasn't breathing. They took him away. They're gonna try to help him, though. It's okay, Sam."

Steve's not acting like it's okay, Sam thinks. He doesn't say that, though. Even when he's drugged and in this much pain, he still doesn't want to worry his husband unnecessarily.

Sam drifts in and out of consciousness as Steve holds his hand. They wait together for news about their son. Sam can hear Steve praying, and rosary beads clinking together. He can't hear any of the individual words, though.

The drugs slowly fade from Sam's system. With it comes a great deal of pain between Sam's legs. He hadn't thought that it was possible for even more pain to come, but there it is. Still, Sam doesn't ask for more pain meds. He doesn't want to risk being out of it and missing the doctor bringing them news of their son.

Finally the doctor comes in. She looks about as exhausted as Steve does, really tired, but not as much as Sam is. She goes straight to the chair that Steve isn't sitting in.

"Your baby's stabilized," she says without preamble. Steve leans over to give Sam a big hug. The doctor holds up a hand to forestall any further celebration. "He's not out of the woods yet," she warns. "He's on a respirator right now. But I predict that soon enough you'll be able to hold him."

After the doctor leaves, Steve disappears. Sam dozes off and waits for him to come back.

Less than an hour passes before Steve returns with Sarah. Their little daughter has two teddy bears in her arms. They look brand new.

Sarah climbs up in bed with Sam. Steve starts to stop her, but Sam shakes his head.

Sarah arranges one of the teddy bears in Sam's hand, the one that isn't holding on to Sarah. It's wearing a tiny hospital gown, very similar to the one Sam has on.

"This one's for you," she says. "The other one's for the baby. Merry Christmas, Daddy!" She doesn't ask when she can see him. Sam figures that Steve must have already explained that the baby isn't well enough for that yet.

A few days later, Sam is able to go home with Steve. Their baby has to stay at the hospital. They haven't even named him yet – they are waiting until they can hold him to do that, although they already have some names in mind.

Once they're at home, Steve immediately makes Sam lie down in bed to keep resting. Sam is still exhausted from pushing a damn big baby out of his vagina, so he doesn't protest too much. Sarah stays with him, and they read books together and play with dolls while Steve goes back to the hospital to be with their baby.

Even sooner than the doctor had predicted, their baby is well enough for them to hold him for a couple of minutes. A neighbor comes over to watch Sarah.

Sam had gone to visit him already, so he knows the procedure for going into the nursery. He and Steve wash up and dress in their sterile gloves and masks, and then before Sam knows it, the nurse is placing the newborn in his arms.

Sam can't believe how absolutely beautiful his baby is. He remembers when Sarah was born, but this baby is so different from her, already so unique to himself.

"What are we going to name him?" Sam whispers, not wanting to disturb the soundly sleeping baby.

"Let's name him Paul, after your dad," Steve says. "We named Sarah after my mother, remember?"

"Yes, but my sister's name is Sarah," Sam reminds him. "So if we went by that same logic, we should name him James, since my nephew's name is James, and with Bucky . . ." he trails off suggestively.

Steve shrugs. "I don't know about that," he murmurs. Sam leaves it alone. He supposes the topic is still too painful for his husband.

"Paul does sound nice," Sam says after a respectful interval of silence. He looks down at the baby in his arms and coos, "Hello, Paul. Paul Rogers-Wilson." The baby opens his eyes. "Yes, do you like that?" He looks at Steve. "I think he likes the name."

Steve smiles. "Paul it is, then." He takes Paul's tiny hand in his.

Steve gets to hold Paul next for a minute. He seems just as enchanted as Sam is. "We didn't have much of a Christmas this year, did we?" Steve murmurs. It seems random, but maybe he was looking at the holiday decorations still up in the nursery.

Sam shrugs. As he'd given birth just two days before Christmas, he thinks it makes perfect sense that they had forgotten to celebrate Christmas.

"I think it was the best Christmas of all," he murmurs back. "We may not have had a nice Christmas dinner, or a festive get-together with family and friends, but we just brought a new little person into the world, Steve. If you ask me, that's the best gift of all."

Steve smiles at him. He leans over and kisses him.


End file.
